Self-Compassion and Self-Confidence
“I want to increase my self-confidence”- I hear that often from clients I work with. When I ask what they would be doing if they had the ideal level of self-confidence, I get descriptions of people who never worry, always execute things perfectly, and almost never fail at anything. That seems unrealistic when said out loud, but these are the ideas that I often hear.
When I suggest that some worry or fear comes with the territory of being human, this is met with some skepticism, which is understandable in our fast-paced world of climbing the career ladder or fancy social media images where we often compare ourselves to others.
Isn’t self-compassion laziness?
People often wonder, “If I treat myself with compassion, won’t I just sit on the couch all day and watch my favorite shows instead of pushing myself to do the things that will get me to the outcomes that I want?” Well, it depends on how you push yourself and what the self-talk looks like. Do we want to beat ourselves up to the point where now we feel lousy about ourselves, or can we ask ourselves what is in our best interest for the goals that we may be striving for? Does berating ourselves with harsh words motivate us?
Self-compassion encourages us to suspend self-judgment and recognize that we are human. Sometimes we mess up or fail, but that doesn’t define everything about us.
When we can practice this mindset, we start to include ourselves with the rest of humanity instead of thinking that we are the exception to the rule, which can help us feel less isolated.
What are the benefits of self-compassion?
According to researcher and psychologist, Dr. Kristin Neff, self-compassion can help us enhance our overall levels of well-being by reducing anxiety and depression, boosting emotional resilience, and contributing to a healthier self-image, which ultimately impacts our levels of self-confidence when we can acknowledge that we all have our strengths and weaknesses.
I often say practicing the concept of self-compassion is easier said than done. Most of the time we like the concept but find it difficult to put into play. It does take mindful awareness of our thoughts and feelings and also learning to tolerate some discomfort around it. This is where therapy can help us learn ways to be more compassionate towards ourselves and empower us to face life’s challenges. If you find yourself struggling with this, feel free to contact me here for a free 15-minute consult where we can figure out if therapy may be right for you.
