How To Stop Negative Self-Talk

One thing I often notice while working with clients is how hard we all are on ourselves. For example, you dropped your dinner on the floor last week and instantly called yourself stupid and clumsy for not being more careful. We quickly jump to name-calling and labeling ourselves when things don’t go the way we expected.

What are the causes of negative self-talk?

This is one of the things we begin to look at in therapy. What were some of the messages you picked up on as you were growing up? Sometimes they are obvious, and sometimes they are a little more subtle. This is where we slow things down and start paying attention to our inner dialogue, what are you saying to yourself? Where did this come from?

Challenging our negative self-talk.

Challenging our negative self-talk is not easy, but a place to start is asking yourself, would I say these things that I say to myself to a good friend? If the answer is no, then maybe it’s a clue that you are being too hard on yourself.

This leads to another strategy of practicing self-compassion. This is where we give ourselves the same kindness and regard that we often give to our close family and friends; instead of making ourselves the exception to the rule, we often need to remind ourselves that we are human too.

Progress not Perfection.

Another strategy that can be helpful is focusing more on learning and growth vs. reaching a finish line of perfection.  Because, often, once you think you’ve reached a certain finish line, another task or challenge is coming down the road. We are always evolving and adjusting to life’s circumstances, so why not give yourself some flexibility instead of limiting yourself to a tight box?

There are many more strategies one can incorporate in starting to practice more self-compassion and challenging our negative self-talk.  If you feel this is an issue for you and have been thinking about trying online counseling. Feel free to contact me here.